Authority Always Wins

A recent rash of announced retirements in the U.S. Senate has got watchers of American politics sweating a little.

The last few months, a total of thirteen Senators (six Democrats and seven Republicans) have definitively stated that they will not be running for re-election in the mid-terms this year, leaving a staggering number of seats up in the air. And obviously, given the near-deadlock legislative sessions of the last few months, the outlook come November could be significantly different. If the balance of power tips to the Left, then it's possible that there could be even more pressure on Barack Obama to make good on the tenets of his campaign platform. If the scales swing Right, then the Republicans could further hog-tie the President. That'd potentially leave him even more impotent than he's seemed lately in the face of their "party of no" knee-jerk stonewalling of anything even faintly smelling of Democratic initiative. So, it's going to be pretty interesting no matter what.

However, I've recently become aware of a movement that could ramp up the fascination factor to an even more absurd degree.

Reason being, one of the Senators taking a pass on re-upping is Evan Bayh (D-IN). And to be honest, I'm no real fan of his, so this doesn't bother me too much. Sure, he's a Democrat, and I usually vote that way. But in a political position contest (starting with Michael Moore, and moving toward the center), you'd see Bill Maher, Tim Robbins, Me, President Obama, Mary Landrieu (D-LA), and then Bayh, hanging out somewhere towards the fulcrum. So, as a progressive, he's sort of a mixed bag. He's in favor of things like alternative energy, promotion of agribusiness, and health care reform, but he plays it a lot closer to the vest on reproductive rights, the war in Afghanistan, and trade sanctions for problem countries. He's also not down with the party line on the President's Recovery Act. When asked about his future plans for his impending return to private life, he said, "If I could create one job in the private sector by helping to grow a business, that would be one more than Congress has created in the last six months."

Sick burn, dude. Also, total bullshit. And you're smart enough to know that, so pretty much fuck you.

What a "centrist" may look like.

Whatever keeps you warm at night I guess. Still and all, I'd like to see a little more truth and a lot less fence-riding, but these days, we take what we can get.

That said, I do still have a bit of an issue with his reasoning behind taking a powder. Because rather than employing any of the stock excuses so many retiring public servants trot out, Bayh had this to say at the press conference where he announced his intent to not seek re-election:

"After all these years, my passion for service to my fellow citizens is undiminished, but my desire to do so by serving in Congress has waned. There is too much partisanship and not enough progress; too much narrow ideology and not enough practical problem-solving. Even at a time of enormous challenge, the peoples' business is not being done."

So, in other words, rather than trotting out the hoary old (but automatically-unimpeachable) "wanting to spend more time with my family" cliché, he pretty much said he was bailing on politics because it was...partisan. Well, shit. You knew it was a snake when you picked it up, son. This is not the time to be taking a pass because it's too hard. If anything, you oughta rise to the challenge of doing the shit your constituency fucking elected you for in the first place, not pulling a Palin because you don't care for the working conditions. Bailing on Congress for being partisan is like quitting boxing because of all the punching.

"Makes sense to me, actually."

Naturally (as in the wake of any politician's retirement) a flood of wanna-be successors has come out of the proverbial woodwork to throw their collective hat into the ring in a bid for his soon-to-be-vacant seat. But amid the expected run-of-the-mill rogues' gallery of lawyers, activists, and lower-tier political climbers looking for a bigger office, there's another guy building buzz as a potential bidder. He's never held public office before, but he's about as beloved a local hero as Indiana has ever produced. And, no...I'm not talking about Letterman. I'm talking about a guy who was born in a small town, and still lives on the outskirts in a little pink eight-room farmhouse, baby. I speak, of course, of THIS guy:

"Who...ME? REALLY?!?"

Yes, him. Strange as it may sound, there is a movement afoot in the Hoosier State to draft him for the race. The newspapers are talking about it. CNN columnists are weighing in. And perhaps MOST significantly in the 21st century, there's a Facebook group with a snowballing membership. All of it exists in service of possibly seeing "Sen. J. Mellencamp (D-IN)" on a C-SPAN caption come November.

Granted, at first blush, it sounds pretty ridiculous. He's a rock star, for chrissakes...not a lawyer or a politician. What could he bring to the floor?

As it turns out, plenty.

Part of the reason why he's being talked about is that he's got a reputation for being quite politically active. He's played at Farm Aid, spoken out against mid-East conflict, and gotten involved with helping preserve veterans' benefits. He's publicly supported legislation that would help his state, regardless of which side of the aisle it originated on. In other words, he not only has his head on straight, but has actually worked on behalf of GENUINE "core American values," rather than just mislabeling party platform points as such, and then doing nothing but talking about them besides.

Plus, he gets credit for not forgetting where he came from...largely because you can't forget someplace you've really never left. Unlike a lot of celebrities with Midwestern roots, he didn't just say, "Piss off, you hicks" and split for Hollywood once the bucks came rolling in. He actually stayed. In fucking INDIANA. Shit, have you ever BEEN to Indiana? I have. And not only did I have zero desire to stay, I wanted to leave while I was busy leaving.

This here's the road out. You're gonna be drivin' awhile.

But the erstwhile Mr. Cougar put down some hefty roots, and then used his success to bolster the local economy. He shot his videos and recorded his albums at home, using area locations and resident talent. His band are all people he grew up with, and has known for decades. He plays globally, and invests locally.

And speaking of the locals...people in Indiana are deeply gay for their favorite son in return for his devotion. To hear them go on about him, one gets the sense that if he got arrested for fucking a 12-year-old Laotian boy who was both dead and actively on fire at the time, the local cops would most likely chalk it up to the "pressures of fame," and let him go by morning. And they'd apologize for the inconvenience as they gave him back the twine-bound bushel of weed and crate of automatic assault rifles they'd confiscated out of the back of his pickup the night before.

There is also reason to believe that this has already happened.

"Nuthin' but crazy rumors. Besides, they lost all the
files in that mysterious fire, anyway."

So, the general consensus is, should he run, he'd win in a landslide. And while Right-leaning political pundits blanch at the idea of an entertainment industry non-insider stirring shit up with all of their non-experience, most grassroots-level voters don't have a lot of basis to bitch. As a freshman Senator, Al Franken (D-MN) takes it to the hole on a near-daily basis despite his comedy background, and Congressman/Orleans lead vocalist John Hall (D-NY) has represented New York's 19th district for three years (as well as served on committees for Veterans' Affairs and Transportation and Infrastructure) despite having THIS in his back pocket. And besides, anytime a Republican decries "celebrities" running for shit, they conveniently choose to completely forget about Conan the Governor, Congressman "Gopher" Grandy (R-Love Boat) and that shellac-haired fella who did the movies with the chimp. I don't remember his name.

"That's okay. He had the same problem for awhile."

Point is, most of the reason why we're so fucking gridlocked on a national level in the first place is because of fucking career politicians. People who have no idea what it's like to struggle, and who have lost all touch with the people who live in their state or district...provided they had any to begin with. And at the end of the day, aren't politicians ostensibly supposed to represent their constituents, anyway? To serve as their surrogates? To, I dunno, be their peers on some level?

So, what would be so all-fired terrible about a guy in a denim shirt looking at things objectively, and with a fresh pair of eyes uncorrupted by the machine? Not to mention doing so from the perspective of the common, blue-collar person who's just trying to eke out a living? And sure, while he may be wicked rich now, he got there by singing authentic songs about NOT having a pot to piss in. That's his whole background. To say nothing of the fact that he could USE some of those cash reserves he's earned doing that to mount quite the campaign...totally independent of special-interest contributions.

Still not sold? Okay, fine. His wife is just as popular. She's driven a pace car at the Indy 500, promotes local multi-culturalism, is a vocal peace activist, and sits on the board of the local childrens' museum. Also, they've been married for 17 years, and he's managed to NOT put "Little John" into anyone else during that span of time, as far as we can tell.

Okay, fine. She's wicked hot, too.

You happy, now? Because I sure as hell am.

To top it all off, as far-fetched as this scenario is, it's a lot more plausible than some people might realize. See, in a pretty douche move, Evan Bayh announced he wasn't running for re-election on February 15th...After it was already too late for any potential challengers to assemble the paperwork necessary to run for his seat in the primaries. So, the Indiana Democratic State Committee has to convene and pick someone as the party nominee. They're required by law to wait until after the state primary date on May 4th. BUT. Whomever they choose is the Democrat who takes on the Republican candidate picked by THEIR primary election. So, they sort of hold all the cards. They have the luxury of waiting long enough to divine who their GOP challenger is going to be, and then picking the person who has the best chance of beating him or her in the generals.

And sure, Mellencamp doesn't HAVE to run if tapped. It's up to him. But this is the guy who wrote "Rain on the Scarecrow," "Our Country," and "Melting Pot," for the sake of fuck. And if anyone thinks a dyed-in-the-wool, workingman's-man like him wouldn't seize the opportunity to make a difference on an even bigger scale than he could with a benefit concert or charity fundraiser? If you think he WOULDN'T buy a cowboy hat, pile into his F-150, and drive across the state knocking on doors, saying "Yessir," "No ma'am" and "thank you" while eating homemade pie at kitchen tables...? Then maybe you should go irrigate your lobotomy scar.

"OK BRB LOL"

Personally, I'd love to see it. The power of a campaign like that would be devastating to the Right. There's no way he could lose. A gritty, bona fide everyman, the same "real America" type the Republicans CLAIM to be so slavishly devoted to, and he'd be running on a Democratic ticket? Awesome. Then, once inside, I think he'd bring a GENUINE down-to-earth ethic to Congress, as opposed to the ersatz baby-kissing variety that most politicians try to pass off as authenticity in between $500 haircuts and $3,000-a-plate fundraising dinners.

And what does the man himself think of all this? So far, the response from the Mellan Camp has been a hearty "no comment."

"It's not as though I cotton to the idea of calling attention to myself in a
political context, y'know? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an inauguration
to play in front of a few million screaming Democratic voters."

No matter what, though...the GOP should lighten up. If John Mellencamp WERE to get elected to Congress, at the VERY least, they know he'd never try to filibuster. It's not that he'd necessarily be ideologically opposed to it...heavens, no. He'd just never be able to talk that long without heading out to the Capital steps for a smoke break.

R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., indeed.