The WANT Files

Given the pace of progress, it's inevitable: once in awhile, some doohickey comes along that you didn't know existed yesterday, but won't be able to live without tomorrow.

Here's my latest addition to the WANT Files:



This boner-inducing bastard lovechild of a skateboard and a Sherman tank goes by the name of the "DTV Shredder." It's the latest piece of kit from Ben Gulak, the same barely-out-of-his-teens adrenaline junkie with no special training who is also the inventor of The Uno, a motorcycle with one wheel that you control by simply leaning the direction you want to go in.

Yeah...really.
In his recent talk at the always-awesome annual TED conference (where visionary geniuses from all over the world get together and give talks on how the futures of Technology, Entertainment and Design are shaping up), Gulak presented the 'Shredder to an awed audience. Of course, wherever he goes with his toys, people want to know how a kid of such modest age and no engineering degree is able to not just think outside the box, but set the box on fire, stomp out the ashes of the box, and then build a new box that somehow has eight sides and gets 300 miles per gallon on recycled french fry oil. And, as Gulak describes it, he simply spent much of his life in his dad's garage, making projects like "model trains, rockets and other cool stuff."

Uh-huh.

Regardless of how he comes BY his know-how, kid's motor vehicle designs are innovative, ground-breaking, exciting, desirable, awesome, and you will never, ever, EVER see any of them available for sale. Nope. Oh, there's certainly a market for Segways on steroids...it's just that the lawsuits from the horrific, debilitating injuries people would sustain on these contraptions would bankrupt him in a matter of weeks. Even though his vehicles are no more dangerous than your average crotch rocket (which is, in essence, basically a 7-oz. fiberglass frame with a jet engine stuck to it), you just KNOW that the douchebags most prone to buying these things would ride them like their assholes were on fire.

Um...that is, except for ME, of course. I'm all responsible and shit.

You can trust ME.

As for the rest of you...better get busy out in the garage. Hell, if an 18-year-old kid can build a single-wheeled motorcycle, I'd expect YOUR sorry ass ought to be able to at least build a flying car that runs on urine, blows you while you drive it, and has hood-mounted candy guns.