Great Moments in Fat History: Kevin Smith Gets the Boot

By now, you know the story. It's one that's really lit up the 'tubes the last few days. And when a story about a prominent celebrity getting kicked off an airplane for being too fat gets around the internet, it really gets around the internet.

For the uninitiated:

Renowned indie auteur/screenwriter Kevin Smith (he of "Clerks," "Chasing Amy" and the upcoming "Cop Out") was recently "asked" to disembark a Southwest Airlines flight...for being too fat. The airline's contention was that his size posed a "security risk," being as in the event of an accident, other passengers would have difficulty getting around him to escape. Apparently lost in their reasoning was the fact that in your average airway disaster, having a spot of bother circumventing the portly fellow in the next seat is rarely an issue, on account'a the flames, flying debris, and giant sucking holes in the cabin hull all representing slightly more pressing concerns.

"Bitch, fuck the seat cushion. Use ME as a flotation device."

The ludicrous nature of Southwest's concerns notwithstanding, maybe they should have checked their records. Because all of this happened despite the fact that according to CNN, Mr. Smith is something of a frequent flier, having bought no less than 10 Southwest tickets just that week. maybe I'm nuts, but there's something to be said for that sort of frequent-flyership.

The thing is, Smith KNOWS he's a tub of shit. He refers to himself as such constantly. In his series of laugh-out-loud funny "An Evening with Kevin Smith" DVD's (featuring college and general-audience Q&A's), he outlines his struggles with his weight in hilariously self-deprecating detail. Shit, he writes movies where the other characters refer to his as "Tubby" and "Tons-o'-Fun." Even so...acknowledging your body issues on your OWN terms is one thing...but making headlines for them is something else entirely.

"I'm sad. And you wouldn't LIKE me when I'm sad."

More tragic yet is that the aforementioned ten tickets were all for him...And he'd bought them for a total of five flights. Which means that he had ALREADY copped to their asinine policy that passengers deemed "too fat to fly" are required to purchase a whole extra seat in order to accommodate their girth. Seats he didn't even really NEED (because he was more than able to fit in the seat, as well as buckle the safety belt), but that they forced him to buy anyway.

So what was the problem? Well, he got bumped to standby on the flight in question. No problem...frequent travelers know this kind of shit happens. But when they found him a seat on a different flight, it was just one seat. Which means, in essence, that he paid for TWO seats, and in fact received ZERO.

So, you see.

The backlash was swift and immediate. It wasn't just that Southwest had fucked over a prominent celebrity...It was that they had fucked over a prominent, internet-savvy, self-aware and unapologetically self-promoting celebrity with legions and legions of slavishly devoted followers...all of whom had undeniable geek cred, and all of which were more than ready to set the entire internet on fire with scathing invective condemning Southwest as the second coming of HitlerSatan. All they needed was a dispatch from their Fearless Leader in the form of a Tweet, message board post, podcast or blog.

All of which is what they got.

"Fly, my monkeys...FLY!"

It's been entertaining watching the P.R. department of Southwest fall all over themselves trying to backpedal, apologize and do damage control in the wake of this. Point is, they fucked over the wrong random fat dude, and it bit them in their asses. Smith is standing up for himself, refusing to back down, and scorching the earth with the power of his raw hatred. And the world is feeling his power.

And if THAT doesn't qualify as a Great Moment in Fat History, I don't know what would.