Today in Blasphemy News

Well, this is amusing. Apparently, some of the more enterprising drug-smugglers that the south-of-the-border-order has to offer have developed a new method of transporting their wares to the eager, and often trembling hands of their loyal customer base.

Sure...coming up with new and creative ways to cart the dope into the good ol' U.S. of A. is an ongoing thought process, resulting in schedule-A narcotics winding up in some rather inventive places. The endless creativity of the drug trade has given us comedy bits like partitioned-off vehicle gas tanks, taxidermy pieces with street values in the thousands, and condoms full of uncut Colombian candy darting about in some hapless schmuck's digestive tract, all of which are pretty fucking hysterical.

But their newest trick really takes the loaves and fishes. It seems that some clever caballeros were hoping that the DEA and Border Patrol had a sense of sacrilege far stronger than their drive for enforcement. So the mules have started socking away their stashes in ever-holier holes.

Observe:

"Therefore you plant pleasant plants, and set out foreign seedlings." - Isaiah, 17:10

From CNN:

"A marijuana bust along the U.S.-Mexico border revealed 30 pounds of the drug stuffed into framed pictures of Jesus Christ, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency said Wednesday.

'This is not the first time we have seen smugglers attempt to use religious figures and articles of faith to further their criminal enterprise,' said William Molaski, port director of the agency's office in El Paso, Texas, in a statement. 'What some might find offensive or sacrilegious has unfortunately become a standard operating procedure for drug smugglers. This would include using religious symbols, children and senior citizens in their attempts to defeat the CBP inspection process'."

Okay, that's hilarious. Maybe it's just because I've been accused (and, I'll admit, semi-accurately at that) of being an "atheist hipster," but to me? Packing picture frames full of pot and then slapping the big J.C. on the front is just as shameless as it is infused with genius. Who would ever suspect that a wall-worthy portrait of the Yahweh kid would be more crammed full of weed than Bonnaroo? That's like finding porn on the Disney Channel, or cracking open a bunch of Pixy Sticks only to discover heroin inside.

(Come to think of it, I'm not sure that shit in Pixy Stix ISN'T heroin.)

"Go ahead, kid...take it. The first one's free."

And the cojones it takes to assume that they're going to leave your cargo alone just because it's hiding behind a façade of pseudo-righteousness? That's a weapons-grade level of chutzpah. I wish I had access to sack reserves of that magnitude. Especially at the DMV.

More from CNN:

"The bust was one of three marijuana seizures made Tuesday at the El Paso point of entry. Officers said they seized 214 pounds of marijuana in the two other busts."

Jesus CHRIST, that's a lot of pot. Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

AMEN.